Telling your friends that you are getting a divorce can be a daunting task, but in some cases it can also bring relief. Whether you are confident you will be supported or fear that the divorce may strain these relationships, discussing your divorce with your friends is something you will have to experience on some level. Here are some suggestions to help you with these potentially challenging conversations.
When deciding to tell your friends about your divorce, determine which friends you consider your close friends, casual friends, and which friends you know as a couple with your spouse.
Your conversation with your close friends should be similar to your conversations with family, but in most cases telling your friends will require less planning. If you feel the need to tell your close friends specifics about a spouse’s cheating, addictions, or other issues that factored into your divorce, you can often do so without impacting your family dynamics. Close friends are often the best resource for venting your frustrations without being concerned about your word choice and narrative. If you do need to vent to a close friend, it’s a good idea to preface your conversation with that so that your friends can better accommodate you in your time of need.
Conversation with friends you know as a couple, or spouse friends, normally require a different approach. You should avoid placing blame so that these friends do not feel the need to “take sides” in your divorce. The reality is that more often than not, the relationships will divide naturally. Stick to the facts when breaking the news and try to leave emotion out of it as much as possible. If your divorce is amicable, it may be easier to break the news to mutual friends together.
Discussing your divorce with casual friends can often be easier than with close friends. The need to discuss with this group of people normally depends on the frequency with which you see them, and how your divorce changes the dynamic of your friendship. You’re likely to have a little more time on your hands post divorce, so it may make sense to tell casual friends that are also single relatively soon after confirming that you are getting divorced. As your relationship with your spouse passes out of your life, it opens up opportunities for new friendships.
For casual friends that don’t align with your post divorce lifestyle, you might choose to only inform them that you are going through a divorce when you speak with them next or when it becomes relevant to your relationship. The easy part about this group is that if you don’t want to discuss it, there is far less pressure to do so.
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